9 Behaviors Women Can Fix Now To Help Break Down Bias At Work
With all the focus on men’s behaviors and attitudes and business habits contributing to the systemic bias in the workplace, let’s not ignore that women play a role in breaking bias too. Even in the most merit-based organizations, behaviors and habits may be unknowingly contributing to the unconscious bias that limits women’s opportunities.
Recently, I gave the first in a series of workshops for young professional women on breaking through the behaviors and bias that get in our way. Based on my own experience, the work of Andie Kramer and Al Harris for their book Breaking Through Bias, and countless hours of instruction from my mother who was the Valedictorian of Simmons College’s first MBA class in the 70s, Sorry, Not Sorry has a revelation for everyone.
9 Behaviors That Help Break Through Bias
Stop shaking hands whilst sitting. When you meet someone or are saying goodbye to someone, stand up, move around from the desk, table or chair and shake the other person’s hand by reaching out, shaking with a firm (not too soft, not too hard) grip and an open face. By standing you are showing respect and demanding respect.
Stop slouching. Women tend to slouch and clasp their hands closer to their bodies more than men, and this projects a timid, questioning demeanor. Stand up straight, throw your shoulders back and push your hands farther away from your body. You’ve gone from a body language that inspires doubt to body language that exudes confidence and capability.
Stop Uptalking. If you end your sentence with a higher tone than the words before the period, you’ve given the audible cue that you’re not sure because it sounds like a question. “I’m sure” with an uptalk sounds like “well I think I’m sure, what do you think, maybe I’m not sure, no, I’m not sure” to the listener. STOP IT. Use the app LikeSo to help you train yourself to speak definitively and use questions to your advantage.
Stop nodding when you’re talking with men. Women tend to nod to show they are paying attention — even if they don’t agree with what’s being said. Men are apt to interpret nodding as agreement and are often baffled when the nodding woman voices a counter-argument. Show that you’re paying attention by sitting up, leaning forward and taking some notes. You won’t be giving false cues by accident.
Just stop saying “just.” I see and hear this all the time in the written and spoken word. “Just checking in..” “Just saying…” “Just wanted to let you know…” As if what you have to say isn’t important. Before you hit send on the email, do a word search for “just,” and delete the word (and revise the sentence if you need to) whenever possible.
STOP APOLOGIZING WHEN YOU DON’T NEED TO. Every time you preface your statement with “sorry” you are diminishing your authority and gravitas. “Sorry to bother you,…” “Sorry, I’m allergic…” “Sorry to interrupt, but our meeting is starting…” “Sorry for being such a mess…” Instead, use declarative language that delivers the same message without reducing your position. For example: “Can you please help me?” “Jack, the meeting is starting.” “I’m allergic to milk; I’ll have water instead.” You get the idea.
Don’t subvert yourself by couching your ideas or tagging on minimizing phrases. “I’m not an expert, but” “This may be a crazy idea…” “I may be off base here, but..” “I don’t know if this is helpful.” AAAAAHHHH. Stop! All you’ve done is invite anyone listening to reading to agree that yes, your ideas don’t count. The same is true when we tag on phrases like “do you agree?” “That’s a good idea right?” to our ideas.
Delete the word “Might” from your lexicon. “Might you have some time?” “You might want to …” Yeah, I might, but I don’t or won’t. Instead, be definitive. “Please provide three times that work for you next week and I will make one work,” or “Please review the document with an eye for passive language.” There ain’t no might about it. If you’re going to bother to say something, don’t let someone out of the direction or request.
Need a boost of confidence? Go to the bathroom or a conference room and standup, legs apart, hands on hips, shoulders back, chin up like Wonder Woman. Hold the pose for 2 minutes. Bam! Instant confidence. Really, I’ve got the receipts on that one.
And we can help each other out too. If you see someone — man or woman – misinterpreting language or behavior, help them understand the intention. If you see or hear someone who needs a habit adjustment, share this article with them and show them how they can put their best foot forward. That’s what team members do – help each other, even if it’s hard to do.
That is all.