Say It Better: How to Sound Smart and Keep People Onside

Ever blurted something out and immediately wished for a rewind button? Maybe it was a snappy email. Maybe it was a "you should have known better" comment in a meeting. Maybe it was a well-intentioned "I'm just being direct" that landed like a grenade.

You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. (Lee raises hand.)  But if we want to actually lead, communicate, and get sh*t done without a side of drama, we have to get better at how we say what we mean.

This isn’t about sugarcoating or walking on eggshells. It’s about being strategic with your words so you don’t derail your message before it even lands.

The Problem: Your Words Aren’t Neutral

Words carry weight. Tone matters. Poor communication costs real money and momentum. And in high-stakes, high-speed workplaces, your phrasing can either move things forward or throw up a giant stop sign.

Some of the most common phrases we use out of habit? They trigger defensiveness, shut down dialogue, and spark resistance that has nothing to do with logic.

And inspiring inefficiency and confusion, my friends, is the ultimate leadership sin.

Say This, Not That: 10 Phrases That Need a Makeover

If you want to build trust, create clarity, and stop wasting time backpedaling, start with these rewrites:

1. Don’t say: "You don’t understand."
Say: "Let me explain that another way."
Why it works: It shifts the burden from them to you, and reopens the conversation.

2. Don’t say: "As per my previous email..."
Say: "To recap what we discussed."
Why it works: It reminds without condescending. No one likes to be scolded by email.

3. Don’t say: "Do what you want."
Say: "Here’s what I recommend based on experience - are there ways you can improve that?"
Why it works: You’re providing direction and agency simultaneously, not abdicating responsibility.

4. Don’t say: "I’m just being direct."
Say: "Here’s my perspective."
Why it works: It keeps the focus on the issue, not your delivery.

5. Don’t say: "That’s not my problem."
Say: "Let’s find someone who can help."
Why it works: Collaboration wins. Every. Single. Time.
6. Don’t say: "Fine, have it your way."
Say: "Let’s find a middle ground."
Why it works: It invites compromise instead of passive-aggressive warfare.

7. Don’t say: "Yeah, but..."
Say: "I hear you. And here’s another perspective."
Why it works: It validates before challenging. (And of course, every “but” negates everything you said before it.

8. Don’t say: "You should have..."
Say: "Next time, let’s try..."
Why it works: It moves the conversation forward, not backward.

9. Don’t say: "Just deal with it."
Say: "How can I support you through this?"
Why it works: If someone’s stuck, they need help, not a shove.

10. Don’t say: "It’s above my pay grade."
Say: "Let’s figure out who can make the call."
Why it works: It’s still a boundary, but it keeps the ball moving.

Here is another version of these phrases if you want to save a graphic!

Strategic Nuance: It’s Not Just What You Say

Tone, timing, and context matter just as much as the words themselves. If you say the right thing with a sigh and an eye roll, it still lands wrong. Leadership communication is about consistency between intent, delivery, and impact.

Final Word: Say It Better, Lead Smarter

People want clarity. They want respect. They want to feel like you’re on the same team. And your words? They either reinforce that or rip it apart.

So next time your inside voice wants to leap out, take a beat. Say it better. Sound smart and keep people onside.

Because when your message lands, your team moves. And that’s the whole point.

Check out Lee’s podcast episode on the topic here!